Coping with the news of a cancer diagnosis

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Finding out that you or someone you love has cancer can take an emotional toll on everyone involved. Every person will handle the news differently. In fact, how you handle the situation and the feelings that arise—which can range from deep sorrow to guilt to rage—can change day by day and moment by moment. Whether you’re battling cancer or supporting a recently diagnosed loved one there are ways to acknowledge what you’re feeling and to get the support you need to cope.

An emotional rollercoaster

After hearing the words, “you have cancer,” life as you know it is immediately turned upside down. You might feel your body has betrayed you or believe that the doctors have somehow got it wrong. Perhaps though, you’re immobilized by the news. The range of emotions you’ll go through can be as complex as the disease itself. If you’ve been recently diagnosed you’ll likely experience some or all of these feelings at one time or another:

Shock. This is usually the first emotion you deal with after being diagnosed. Shock is often combined with denial, especially if you don’t feel sick.

Fear. There are many things you may be scared of including: physical changes, uncomfortable treatment, being sick, keeping your job, maintaining your finances, dealing with your family and potentially losing the battle. 

Loneliness. You may feel extremely distant from friends and family members that have never had cancer or deal with the angst of the situation by shutting you out, because they don’t know how to respond or help.

Sadness. You might start to mourn the loss of your good health, independence and plans for the future.

Anger. Difficult emotions like anxiety, fear, frustration and helplessness can all be expressed as anger. Instead of dealing with these emotions, you may catch yourself taking your anger out on your health care team, family, friends or anyone close to you.

Guilt. You may be blaming yourself for your illness and causing your loved ones pain. You may also be unfairly questioning why you didn’t notice symptoms earlier or what you could have done to prevent this.

All of these reactions are normal and expected. Everyone handles a cancer diagnosis differently and there’s no right or wrong way to act. But, if you’re finding it hard to move past a certain emotion or catch yourself bottling up difficult feelings, you should talk to a professional. A counsellor or other trained professional can help you work through your feelings and provide you with strategies to better cope with this incredibly difficult situation. 

Managing the diagnosis

Despite the strong and difficult emotions you will inevitably feel after being diagnosed with cancer, there are actions you can take to better handle the news:

Get the details. Learn as much as possible about your diagnosis, treatment options, success rate, etc. Write down your questions and concerns before seeing your doctor and bring a family member or friend to take notes. Learning more about your cancer and working with your care team to map out a treatment plan can give you some sense of control over the disease and its management.

Seek support. Despite best efforts from your friends and family, they may not be giving you the support you’re looking for. It can be really helpful to reach out to cancer survivors or someone who has been recently diagnosed. They can share their experiences and give you some insight on what to expect.

Programs through a hospital, treatment centre, doctor’s office or a non-profit organization can help you make connections. Online support groups can also provide you with a forum to express your fears, share information and encourage one another.

Write it down. One of the most effective ways to manage your emotions is to start writing them down in a journal. Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper can help to relieve anxiety and encourage you to express positive feelings on the days you’re feeling particularly strong. That way you can refer back to your journal during darker days when you really need to harness your “inner warrior.”

Let people in. Realize your diagnosis is hard on the people that love you too. Your friends and family will want to help you desperately but may not know how or when. Accept their offers to run errands, prepare meals or pick up the kids. Lean on the supportive people in your life while you try to navigate your diagnosis.

Find your “normal.” Depending on how you feel, keeping up with daily activities including work, grocery shopping and laundry can help you look beyond your cancer. Even if it just means reading books, doing yoga and listening to music, staying busy will help you feel in control instead of entirely consumed by your disease.