Enhancing a relationship through communication

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• Learn to accept your differences. This involves the realization that often what is gained from talking it out is an understanding of your partner, instead of agreement on an issue. If a person feels threatened by differences of opinion, he or she will usually close the book on a subject without discussion. When this happens, part of a person is not accessible and alienation could result. Then, the couple feels that they don’t know each other or, perhaps, even understand each other.
• Talk it out from a position of equality. This simply means that one of the partners should not be in command and assume the attitude of, "I know what is best—you do what I say."
• Don't start blaming. Blaming is an aggressive style of communication and will close the avenues of communication, instead of opening them.
• Respect your partner's need for privacy. Sometimes people hold back a little when communicating. In other words, they’re not as sharing as their partner. It’s important to realize that what is at issue here is not honesty. Usually, it’s simply a need for privacy. People have different comfort levels for intimacy—this is normal. For example, it’s important for people to understand that it’s normal to have different levels of comfort with intimacy.
• Be an attentive listener. Many of us do not listen to our partner's problems because we feel we have to accept the burden of solving them. We must realize that what most people want is to be heard and understood so that their pain and hurt can be acknowledged.
• Recognize that you cannot be all things to all people. There may be times when you or your partner may have to turn to friends for support. For instance, a woman who is grieving over her mother's death may find that her husband doesn’t want to talk about her loss because it brings back painful memories of his mother's death.
• Give positive verbal strokes to each other. Instead of pointing out your spouse's faults, try complimenting him or her. Everyone has strengths and everyone likes to be validated.
• Watch your non-verbal communication. For example, a person who reads the newspaper or watches TV while their partner is trying to talk is conveying the message, "I'm not interested in what you’re saying. My needs are different at this time."